shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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