you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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