honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
