i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
