At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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