I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
