Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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