id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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