I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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