Well apparently he's into motor boating.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
