Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
