I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
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We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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