Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
