get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
