So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
