Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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