She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
