He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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