i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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