Just cropdusted the office
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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