hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
