I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
