They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
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