She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
