just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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