Have you finally orgasmed yet?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
4 words: hood of his car
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
