Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
That accounts for only three of the penises
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
