i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
