Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
