the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
