**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
