We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
