no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
