in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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