Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
