The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
