Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
