I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
