dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I want to fling myself into the sun
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
