Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Holy sore nipples Batman
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
