Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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