i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
