I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
