I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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