So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
