I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
