when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
