omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
