Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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