when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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