I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
