I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
