yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
sarcasm needs its own font
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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