just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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