everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
How's work?
Spinning.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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