So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I need a burrito and a hug.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
