the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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