just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
