That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
