I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
