i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
