It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
