i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
