I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
