More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You can't just leave with hair like that
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
